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The long-awaited HUMAN 81 DK is now available.
Best viewed in "landscape" mode.

$756432.10 /pair

The InHUMAN Speaker is (a parody of) what happens when someone tries to figure out a way to sell outrageously expensive and unnecessary speakers to people with a desperate need to buy toys that only a few can afford. Considering the simple alternatives available if you do need high volume in a large room (like the HUMAN 88-41, or a copy of the EPI 1000), it is really impossible to justify such a complex, dominating product as this.

However. When you are looking for something that, while not as conspicuous as a yacht in the marina or your driveway, still displays your fine taste in absurdly outrageous consumer spending, you need something more than practical. You need something grandiose and ridiculous.

The InHUMAN is just such a product. Twenty four 8" woofers and forty eight 1" tweeters are mounted in each cabinet (some are not visible from the front). They will reproduce everything from the rumbly inaudible bass of a nuclear explosion to the subtle tinkling of ice-covered leaves in a winter morning breeze. It is almost like being somewhere real!

Now, while attending thermonuclear tests in the desert (Viva Las Vegas!) has gone out of style, might I suggest that actually being there is generally a better use of your time and money. Whatever is left over from your trip you can send to me so I can spend more time writing!

These are big, expensive speakers. They will handle over four kilowatts of power each. Listening to them is like being at a symphony, without the black tie. It's like being at a rock concert, without the the musicians, the spontaneity, the energy, and the other people. It's like being on the earthquake fault line without having to stand under a doorway or turn off the gas.

They can even accurately reproduce the sound of a tricked-out "boombox on wheels" shattering the still evening air in June.

Seriously, these would be really cool speakers, but an utter waste of my time and your money to build. Let's get our priorities straight here...


Surely you don't think I'm serious?

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